Odd idioms and something about candy canes

 The holidays have begun (well, depending on the sorts of holidays that you celebrate) and I really ought to be writing about something related to the holidays (like candy canes, or the meaning of Christmas, or whether Santa Claus’ reindeer really want to pull his sleigh, or if he’s actually enslaving poor helpless mythical creatures so that he can break into people’s houses without having to use a getaway car).

But no, I’m not writing about the holidays because I have an unanswered question on my mind, and it’s been on my mind for a while now. There are some questions that pop into your head without invitation, and then they sit in your mind and bother you until you get the chance to look them up (if you still remember them by the time you have the resources to look them up (darn all you people with smart phones)), like who is Hamilcar Barca? And what happens if you go back in time in kill yourself? … You know, stuff like that.

My question today is who is Pete, and why do we do things for his sake? I find these exasperated expressions odd and somewhat obnoxious, because they make little to no sense. For example, why do we say “good grief?” Is there really any kind of good grief? And when we say it, do we want the person to whom we are talking to grieve in a good way, or are we trying to convince ourselves to experience some sort of positive grief on their behalf?

So next time you use some sort of phrase, consider what you’re actually saying. Do you really think cows are holy (or holey, depending on how good you are with vocabulary)? Are things really going downhill? Because if you’re going downhill, then you’re probably doing pretty well. I mean, when you’re riding a bike downhill, you just cruise. The same goes for a car. And when you say that something is as easy as pie/pi, do you mean pie, as in the pastry, or pi, as in 3.14159265359… And what makes it easy? Personally, I don’t like pie, so I don’t think it’s easy to eat. Also, I don’t think it’s possible to calculate the exact value of pi, so I think we’re shooting ourselves in the foot, so to speak, if we think it’s easy.

So with that in mind, have a happy holiday! And if you do decide to set out the milk and cookies, please keep in mind that you’re supporting the top 1%. I really don’t think that Santa plans to share those with the elves or reindeer. Occupy Christmas, anyone?


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