Life in an infomercial

Life in an infomercial has to be the most frustrating, angst-ridden existence. Nothing that try to do ever work out quite right. Pouring someone a drink turns into a fizzy waterfall of clumsiness. Enjoying a gorgeous sunny day turns into a blinding nightmare when the sunglasses get slung off. Even starting the day off right with a bowl of cereal turns into a battle of wills between a small boy and a gallon of milk that ends in tragedy. All these strains, aches, pains and grotesque messes make you think that there has got to be a better way …

Recently, I discovered highly entertaining animated images that should be awarded a medal. These GIFs feature frustrated people like you and me just trying to get through the day when suddenly whatever they are attempting becomes infinitely difficult. They are often used when describing an embarrassing social blunder that one would immediately regret and not forget easily.

I must admit that I had one of these moments recently. On a Friday afternoon, I decided to take a brisk walk to McDonalds on a weekend grocery trip, so I ordered my five chicken sandwiches and my small fry and I was happily on my way. My spirits were high, my mind was bouncing from joyful thought to joyful thought as I crossed the street, but some anxious voice called out to me.

“Make sure they are plain!” and “The moist qualities of the lettuce counteracts the delicious warmth of the chicken!”

So, having nothing else to do while traffic passes, I looked down into the bag. I could tell that the bag was straining to hold the weight, instead of doing the sensible thing of rolling the bag up and supporting the weight evenly, I decide that the best course of action is to hold it by one end, to create a massive pressure point, so that the bag’s strength gives out and plummets to the concrete, sending little fries and chicken sandwiches everywhere. In my most melancholy voice, I remember saying “Oh …no …” as I rapidly attempt to salvage the bag, collect the sandwiches, and clutch them close to my chest as I wait on my turn to cross the street. The light changed and I crossed, to meander on my path of woe, the path of an man in a never-ending infomercial

(BONUS: Here are some of my favorite infomercial gifs from around the web)

-Matt
Interim Photo Editor

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